Sunday, September 16, 2007

Why do I ask “Why?”

The majority of people with MS complain that fatigue is one of their most debilitating symptoms. I know this. I’ve written about this. I’ve researched this.
I know that MS symptoms are unpredictable. They come and go. They can be different from day to day, from hour to hour. I know this. I’ve discussed this with many people. I’ve written about this.

So why is it that when I have a symptom-free spell, I ask “Why am I feeling okay right now?”

I’ve been in good shape for the last two weeks – no cane, no brace. But naps as needed, Copaxone shots, and the fatigue meds are still a part of my daily routine.

But I can’t help wondering why I’m having a good spell. Is it that the fatigue medication really does take a month to kick in? Is it that the weather is cooler? Is it that I took a week off from the office and went to the Newark film festival instead? Is it that I worked from home for a week and got in a good mood? Is it that I’m listening to Rick Jarrow’s The Ultimate Anti-Career Guide and am planning to quit working in 5 years? Is it that I’m starting school in a week (Drexel University, on-line Masters program for Library and Information Science) and am looking for something to break the routine?

Or is it that darn short in the cord is not shorting out right now?

It's great to feel good - but I keep wondering when this is going to change.
I can already feel my leg turning to stone and gravity begin to increase. It won't be long before I'm back to 'normal.'

And when that happens, I'll wonder "Why?'

4 comments:

  1. When you are feeling good, you always ask "Why?" because you think like me...."All good things come to an end." And when you are feeling bad, you ask "Why?" because you deserve to feel better. Ok, I'm your sister and I love you so I think you deserve better!!!! So, don't argue with me! tee hee

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  2. Isn't it sad that on our "good days" (good by our new MS standards) it seems like we are cautiously looking around ourselves for the sky to fall? I have never found a rhyme nor reason for the relapses or the remissions. But it's nice to know that you can say when things are bad, that this too shall pass.

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  3. Bubbie - I'd like to introduce you to Giggles, my sister, who also goes by Bubbie!

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  4. Hi Bubbie!!! And all my life I thought I was the only Bubbie. What a revalation! hahaha I got this nick name because our youngest sister couldn't say Barbara - it came out as Bubbie......that's my excuse, what's yours? tee hee Joanie became "Nee", and Susie became "Oosie" And 40 years later, they still stick!

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