Friday, June 13, 2008

The Grief Never Goes Away

I need to share a posting by Linda D of Seattle. On her blog "Brain Cheese" she recently wrote about a moment of grief that caught her by surprise.

I, too, recently experienced one of those moments. During physical therapy, I was given little plastic pieces that I was to take home and practice picking up with my right toes and move them off to one side. Recently, as I was sitting on the couch doing these PT exercises, I realized that I simply could not move my right foot. I sat on the couch as tears streamed down my face.

Linda writes,
“I sat in my car today following my physical therapy appointment and had a "moment." Feeling overwhelmed by grief, I watched my tears splash onto my T-shirt, and I thought about the old proverb that tells us not to cry over spilled milk. This is what came out of me as I fumbled for pen and paper and jotted down notes...in handwriting that has become even difficult for ME to read:

Barbie & The Milk Proverb (by Linda D
of Seattle)

Let me cry
Over my spilled milk.
It is
not the milk
I grieve,
But loss of
The simple act of
Pouring
Liquid into cup.

How I take for granted
What used
to be
Mindless tasks
Of rote memory.

My flesh no
longer
Feeling the smoothness
Of the cup
Beneath fingers
Weakened by
disease.

These foreign appendages,
Stiffly positioned
Like
arms
Hanging from a
Plastic doll,
Serving no
purpose.

Barbie has no brain
To bring these
Hands
Back to
life.

Thank you, Linda, for putting into words what I experienced but could not explain. As I sit here writing this, again with tears pouring down my face, I realize that grieving for the things that MS has taken away is a life long experience. It gets easier to deal with, but the grief never really goes away.


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3 comments:

  1. I'm sitting here just after my 3rd dose of IV steroids (2 more days to go) and can very much relate to your post. Over the past 11 years of my MS journet I too have felt the grief of losing what once was. Thank you for sharing your story and the poem.

    Kim
    http://www.kimmiloo2.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Kim - thanks for your comment and link to your blog. And fibro too? That's miserable by itself.

    I might try some of your recipes.

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  3. Is it "kosh" to leave a comment about my own post? LOL

    But seriously...I find the "small" grief(s) to be the most difficult for me. I can make it through the biggies, but the everyday what seem to be "little" losses often catch me by surprise...and anyone with MS can say they have grieved a thousand losses.

    BTW, your toe n peg exercises sound very interesting...I never would have thought to practice something like that, but it does make sense. Wonder if I could come up with something like that for my hands and skip the PT sessions all together?!?

    Linda D. in Seattle

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