Thursday, October 16, 2014

Beyond Bone Tired

After my last post, The Biscuit Week, about getting hit with bad fatigue, I discovered an article posted to the On Being website that I want to discuss.

Because I've been dealing with bone-crushing fatigue for years, I have studied how to get help when needed.  I've even lectured on the subject.  Step one: determine what you need. Step Two:  ASK.  This is drastically oversimplified, but you get the idea. Asking for help is hard, often because I don't know what I need. If I do, I usually can't explain.
When I'm that tired, I forget everything I've learned.

So I was very interested in this article by Courtney E. Martin called "Bone Tired and Ready to Be Bossed Around."  

Courtney notes that when people experience bone-crushing fatigue (like any new parent, perhaps), it's hard to ask for help:
Because there is a place beyond tired — bone tired — where you don’t even have the wherewithal to ask for what you need. When you’re in this state of mind, kind humans offer up their time and talent to you, but somehow you can’t receive it. You’re in a fog of exhaustion where you can only see an arms length ahead: reply to this email, return this call, drink this coffee, do this dish, survive, barely. 
Courtney goes on to say that asking for help "... requires energy that the truly down-and-out — whether grieving or overwhelmed or depressed — just don’t have." 

The author suggests that sometimes she just needs someone to step in and do something for her rather than ask her what she needs.  She's ready to be bossed around. 

Yeah, I do get that way.  Sometimes I just need someone else to make a decision about what time to leave, where to sit, what to eat for dinner.  BUT, I really, really don't like to give up control.  Like when I decided to start eating healthier meals, but was tired so asked the roommate to plan dinner for us one night. We had Burger King Whoppers with fries. At least Burger King has the best fries.  But that's not the point...  

I have to ask myself,
"Would I really be open to receive that help unconditionally?"  

Even if that help involves night after night of fried meat on a white bun? 

At the end of her article (which I recommend you read for yourself), the author wants to work toward being more pro-active in helping where she sees a need. She wants to step it up and be the person who makes the decisions for someone in this confused state.  I'm not sure how I would react to be "bossed around" even if it is in my best interest.  

What do you think? Are you willing to receive help unconditionally?  

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