Thursday, November 1, 2007

Did I Surrender, Give up, Give in, or Come to Terms?

Today, I applied for disability through my company's short/long term disability insurance. I don't know if this will be approved by the insurance company, but at least my boss was very supportive when he approved it. Now I have to fill out a lot of paperwork and meet with my neuro and a social worker (courtesy of my company's Employee Assistance Program).

There is a long story about why I did it, and why I did it today but it involves a lot of very strange metaphysical coincidences and things just falling into place in very synchronous ways. Very spooky. I'm waiting for a man with white hair to jump out from behind the curtain and say, "Surprise! You're on Candid Camera!"

Oh gosh, I applied. I actually applied. Did I Surrender, Give up, Give in, or Come to Terms?" I am grateful for recent posts by other MSers discussing Surrender (and you know who you are!!!) This is what I'm thinking while I'm holding my breath.


  1. "Did I Surrender, Give up, Give in, or Come to Terms?"

    You are looking out for YOU. Doing what YOU need.
    Taking care of YOU.
    And YOU are the bravest person I know.

  2. Call it sweet surrender…
    I mentioned before and I’ll repeat myself, that early retirement is what my whole being , body and soul, needed. I never regretted the process and I am still in touch with my colleagues from my former office .
    There is something about a morning when a noreaster hits my neck of the woods and throws 10 inches of snow but I do not have to crawl to the car and slide my way to the office.
    But most important is the feeling that I do not have to give perfection when there is none left in me !! I have been an over achiever all my life so not being able to deliver the best of me depressed me more than surrendering…

  3. That was a Big step! I think of all the processes we go through coming to terms with this illness. Surrender, Acceptance and where I feel I am finally working through is Integration and Creation. I have to quit trying to do, do, do despite MS. I have to integrate what I want from my life with MS and create a new chapter that's fufilling while not constantly banging my head into that brick wall of doing, doing , doing what isn't in my best interest.
    Take care,

  4. Bubbie - NOW I remember! I reread that part of your blog and it is timely. I am going to the Delaware Book Festival tomorrow and have planned my day to attend lectures to help me integrate my passions into my new life and create my new future. For example, I'm attending a lecture on free-lance writing and a panel discussion on how to review books (and get paid). I'm hoping to catch some of the story tellers and the people from Read Aloud Delaware. Now that I won't be in the corporate world with worthless suck ups surrounding greedy empire builders, I think I will have time to read to children and maybe write some more. Soon I hope to lose my anger with 'the company jerks.

  5. Thanks, Adina. I know that early retirement (or normal retirement) doesn't work for everyone. It is good to hear that it worked for you.

  6. I think you have done/are doing EXACTLY what you are supposed to do...especially if your "gut" has led you here!

    There is strength in surrender...

    Linda D. in Seattle

  7. I love you Joan! You are a very courageous woman! Maybe you don't quite see yourself as courageous, but I do and you are an inspiration to me! I am praying for you everyday!!

  8. If alot of synchronicities occured, then it was meant to be. You will have time now to create a new, fulfilling life using your creativity--it could be a very bright time of your life. Don't look at it as failure-I am sure you will fill up your days wisely.

  9. I think you've done what is good for you and what you need.

  10. wow! this is a big step. i love hearing about synchronicities as that is my thing. if it feels right in your gut then go for it.